a letter to all gym members in germany*

Friday, February 4, 2011

*or maybe just the members of my gym

Dear gym members,

I hate to keep playing the, ''This would never happen in America'' card, but let's be honest. You people confuse me sometimes. And I feel the need to address you. Because the things you do (or rather, the things you wear) are so baffling to me that I have to share them. I hope you don't mind. Also, I think it would be best if I address these ''issues'' individually.

So, to the girl working out in black skinny jeans, I want to ask you - Do you need money to buy proper work out clothes? If so, I probably won't give you any but I might give you a pair of my old sweatpants that have holes in them. If I can dig them out of the trash. Those would look better. Really, skin tight denim is not okay at the gym. It just isn't.

To the man working out in a polo shirt and khaki pants, I'd like to ask - Did you just come straight from work? Why are you wearing that? Why?

To the woman wearing jeans and keds on the treadmill - Are you aware that your feet are going to fall off soon? Running in Keds? No... just....no.

To the, um, plastic-looking (putting it kindly) woman on the bike machine - I see that you are wearing a bedazzled, studded belt cinched around your waist (which is so tight that I wonder how you can even breathe) as well as the ''diamond'' earrings so long they bounce off your shoulders as you pedal. Yes, I see you. We all see you. And no, we're not impressed. (At least I'm not, but considering the other people in this gym, who even knows what impresses them). Also, maybe 60-year-olds shouldn't dress like that? Just a thought.

To the young man chuggling a 1 liter Coca-Cola while on the Elliptical machine - You. are. stupid. When I drink my pure, ice cold, Alpine water after my work out, I will think of you and feel pity.

And lastly, to the guy running on the treadmill in cargo pants - you look uncomfortable. I think I know why.... it's because you are running in cargo pants.

Are these things normal? I just don't know.

Sincerely,

Me (a confused American)



^^ and to think that I was concerned that this oversized, floral t-shirt would stand out at the gym.... when, in reality, i am the least of the fashion police's concerns.

27 comments:

Kathrine said...

Please tell me where your gym is. I'll become a member anytime. I SWEAR I don't own skinny jeans, keds, diamond earings or any other bling for that matter. Who needs an ipod on the treadmill when you have THIS kind of fun around you? :)))

Antoinette said...

OMG I would absolutely love to see the girl working out in tight black jeans! This post made me laugh out load. xx

Krystal said...

ahahaha this made me laugh! i can totally see it though.

Brenna [fabuleuxdestin] said...

bahaha. Yesterday I saw a real "jersey shore" look alike - white washed jeans with a diamond encrusted belt that said, "peace" on it. At least it wasn't at the gym!!

ashley said...

amazing! everyone at our gym seems to have gotten the memo which has been lost at yours, but the. again our gym is mostly meat heads lifting weights. I would die to see someone chugging a liter of coke, nasty!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i should mention that my friend in vienna updates her facebook status every time she goes to the gym and describes what the people around her are wearing. it is hysterical! who knew that going to the gym could be so entertaining...

Marian said...

Oh my lord...and I thought we had some crazies. I think the worse one to me is the guy drinking coke...I get stomach cramps just thinking of it:)

Renée said...

Haha so funny to hear what some people dare to wear to the gym, some people just think they have to impress all the time...

Megan said...

o.m.g this is amazing. here I thought LA gym people were bad, with their hard boobs, yoga wear, and mystic tans (and im speaking about men and women)..but germany really takes it to another level.

Kristin said...

Seriously!? This is hilarious! Well whatever floats their boats I guess. Hey, at least it gives you some entertaining people-watching opportunities, right?!

Candice said...

haha this is just hilarious! how could anyone be comfortable working out in any of that stuff?! What fun to people watch there; I'll remember this when I visit Germany someday! :)

jackiek said...

oh my gosh this is hilarious. it must be so much fun to people watch. i would die laughing at your gym. in fact, i really want to go to germany now and pay a visit to your gym!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

ok, i am cracking up at these comments. you are all more than welcome to visit my gym. it's really cheap to be a member. only 16 euros a month! ;)

Monia said...

Yes this is one of polish words ;) Do you speak polish a lot or just some words ;)?

Kristina said...

Haha, I was laughing so hard when reading your post... But as being German I just have to tell the world: it is not like this in every gym in Germany!! :)
Have a great weekend, Kristina

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i figured it couldn't be. there's just no where there's that much craziness to fill a country as big as germany. :)

Taylor said...

haha, i love your notes to the people at your gym. thank you for making me laugh.

when I come and visit you, can we work out together? I miss going to the health club with you...and i would just love to see some of these people.

i gagged a bit about the guy chugging coke while on the elliptical...so so gross.

Sera said...

hahaha! are you serious? how do those people even work out for more than five minutes?! so funny.

kylee said...

get out. jeans in the gym? i can't even believe it. the things people wear sometimes.

Victoria said...

hahaha that really wouldn't happen in America. That is so ridiculously funny! No need for tv, huh? There's so much entertainment surrounding you!

Emma (and Sara) said...

Hahaha, is it even possible to work out in jeans?! Just like... WHY?! x)

Marcela said...

I think you should deffo change the gym...I´m really wondering where you´re going but Ive never seen people in skinny jeans in all the gyms I was member before in Germany... That would totally distract me, haha. I think I would just stare at them. How stupid is that!

Lovely post :D

xx
M.

Jenni Austria Germany said...

I would change it if it weren't so cheap! Maybe that's why all the crazies go there...it's practically free. On the bright side, though, my friends and I are highly entertained on the treadmills. :)

Jan said...

You're right, you would not see that in America!!

Brissa said...

baahahaha. i love this. i once saw a man in slacks and a business shirt a-la dwight schrute. there is also a man at my gym with denim cut-offs and a mullet. that isn't too extraordinary except you should see the way his mullet curls bounce when he lunges (yes, lunges) up the stair master.

Gabriella said...

You so should have taken pictures! Even imagining what you looked at cracked me up so bad!

Alyx said...

HAHAHAHAHAAHA! Oh, man.

Germans.