1. Nurses are angels; literally sent to Earth from the heavens. How do they have so much patience? I wanted to befriend all of mine.
2. When it comes to needles, it’s mind over matter, Jennifer. Mind over matter.
3. When it comes to swallowing horse pills, however, “mind over matter” accomplishes nothing. In fact, I would rather birth triplets than swallow horse pills with every meal (though I have concluded the best method - for me, at least - is manually shoving the pill down my throat; works every time).
4. When your mom can’t be in the hospital with you, having her call your cell hourly really is the next best thing.
5. Missing work is fun…..for the first couple of days. After 2 weeks, not so much.
6. Never again will I ever take showering for granted.
7. If I have a Harry Potter book in hand, life is good. Escaping to my favorite wizarding world is arguably just as effective pain medicament as that liquid happiness they send flowing through the IV. Ahhh, that stuff is good.
8. My childhood dream of having a cast to prance around in was stupid. Casts are dumb.
9. Just because a woman is over the age of 75, it does not mean she is as sweet as your grandmother. It so does not mean that. It actually couldn’t mean that any less (can you tell I had a very bad experience with my 80 year old roommate?). Oh, and whose idea was it to stick 3 people in a tiny hospital room, anyway? #iamaspoiledamericancanyoutell?
10. If you have a cyst on your hand and you ignore it (per dermatologist’s recommendation, mind you) , it very well could explode! And your hand will most likely swell, swell, swell. And the doctors will most likely have to cut that hand open so the bones won’t break from the swelling. And you might develop a cyst-related infection which causes you to vomit your life away. And so you’ll live in the hospital for awhile. And that’s how it all begins. (I’m still in the process of figuring out how it ends, but don’t be fooled by my dramatic account; everything will be fine….I think).