the decision to visit home in and of itself was not bad at all; in fact, it was an excellent alternative to spending a month emptying my bank account all over europe (that gets old sometimes).
what had me questioning my sanity was how i got home.
my itinerary looked a little something like this:
thursday, august 4. 23:00 – fly from wroclaw, poland to london england.
thursday, august 4. 24:00 – land in london, england at stansted international.
friday, august 5. 1:30 – take stansted express (coach/bus) to london heathrow.
friday, august 5. 3:00 – arrive at london heathrow, head straight for the toilets.
friday, august 5. 3:01 – after being thoroughly confused by the bathroom lock, hope nobody walks in.
friday, august 5. 3:03 – after being thoroughly confused by how to flush the toilet, hope nobody cares.
friday, august 5. 5:15 – after 2 hours of trying (and failing) to sleep on a bench, how ‘bout some breakfast at a fancy french restaurant?
friday, august 5. 7:15 – after 2 hours of trying (and failing) to eat that fancy french breakfast, check into flight and hope you don’t vomit all over your luggage (does anyone else get nauseous if they don’t sleep? i start shivering and feeling like everything i eat or drink is poison).
friday, august 5. 8:00 – upgrade to business class for only 50 pounds to avoid spending a 9 hour flight in the middle seat of the middle row, between 2 people you don’t know.
friday, august 5. 10:00 – board your plane and fly to new york! and even though everyone you have ever met has warned you time and time again that the movie just go with it will be the biggest waste of your time, watch it anyway. and then curse yourself for dismissing all those warnings. watch water for elephants directly afterward (maybe this will make up for it?) and wonder to yourself: a) why is rob pattinson’s polish accent so bad?! b) why does christoph waltz’s polish accent sound so german!? oh, because he’s austrian. c) why is christoph waltz always strangling women?!?! d) why did i waste my time watching just go with it when i could have been watching this?!
friday, august 5. 13:00 (EST) – land in jfk. goes through customs and ask yourself, WHY ON EARTH IS CHICAGO O’HARE SUCH AN EVIL AIRPORT? jfk is a breeze! compared to chicago, these customs procedures are a cake walk!
friday august 5. 19:00 (EST) – after a 6 hour layover (more about that later), board your plane to dallas.
friday, august 5. 22:00 (CST) – arrive in dallas, texas! spend the night there (at a friend’s, luckily….a real bed!).
saturday, august 6. 9:00 – fly home to oklahoma. and praise THE LORD when you walk through the door and realize that this awful journey home as come to an end at last!