Special Edition: Thoughts on Our Fourth Anniversary

Friday, May 24, 2019

On May 24, 2015, the day we got married, here is what I knew:

I knew that we were getting married on Kim and Kanye's first wedding anniversary.

I knew that I was taking a year off in between law school graduation (which had happened 2 weeks prior) and the bar exam.

I knew that we would soon embark upon an epic honeymoon that would keep us out of the US until August 17.

I knew that the world was our oyster and that together, we could do anything.

I knew that we were young, but that didn't matter, because the truest, deepest, realest love was on our side (yeah!).

And on May 24, 2015, the day we got married, here is what I thought I knew:

I thought I knew that we would both have careers in international law, which would allow us to live abroad for an indefinite time period.

I thought I knew that we would wait at least 5 years to have biological children, and that maybe we wouldn't even have them at all (we could always adopt after having satisfied our career ambitions).

I thought I knew that maybe we wouldn't even adopt -- maybe we'd just be a really fun aunt and uncle, because having kids seems like it would make traveling and doing-whatever-we-want really difficult.

I thought I knew that we would never live in Oklahoma -- that if we lived in the US at all, it would be New York or D.C.

I thought that I would go back to my 'old self' -- the self that lived abroad, independent and detached from the goings on at home aside from the occasional Christmas or summer holiday.

But on May 24, 2015, the day we got married, here is what I did not know:

I didn't know that soon after we returned from our honeymoon, we would learn that one of our parents was suffering from terminal illness.

I didn't know that on the night we learned of said illness, that I would look at my husband-of-5-months and, without my having to say it loud, he would know that I needed to have a baby immediately.

I didn't know that it would take 10 months for successful conception.

I didn't know that it I would spend the first 98 days of my pregnancy (give or take a few) legitimately hoping to die from HG nausea and depression, most days unable to consume more than a 44 oz. carbonated water with lime.

I didn't know that my career would look literally nothing like I thought it would.

I didn't know a baby would be born unto us who would quite arguably be the most perfect, angelic creature ever known to man -- an atypically developing boy whose story is ever-changing as we learn of more special needs to be met -- and that somehow, despite all of his challenges, I would not change one single thing about him.

I didn't know that we might only have one biological child.

I didn't know that we might foster or adopt as many kids as we possibly can.

I didn't know that the life we would build together would look nothing at all like I had pictured, but that it would be good and rich and full of meaning, and maybe -- just maybe -- better than the life I had envisioned for us.

In short, I didn't know how hard our first four years would be, but I didn't know how good they would be either.

Click here to watch our wedding videos (that I love so, so, much!) parts 1 and 2.